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Why Music Matters Essay About Myself

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Why I Stopped Writing About Myself On The Internet

Why I Stopped Writing About Myself On The Internet

In 2011, I wrote an article about my ex-boyfriend for The Hairpin.

A former grad student in Connecticut, I was both new to New York and new to media, and those two things fueled me with a drive to get ahead that, as an older, more jaded New Yorker, I already deeply envy. I worked for pennies at a D-list internet company, but in addition to running a blog for them full-time, I wrote freelance articles on nights and weekends from my cramped Williamsburg bedroom.

I'd been trying to rationalize writing up a certain eyebrow-raising story about my ex-boyfriend, in the name of boosting my portfolio. The Hairpin had a regular series called "The Best Time I," in which writers completed that prompt with different personal anecdotes. I'd written somewhat confessional articles before, but in this case, I was sitting on a real juicy slice of headline orange: "The Best Time My Ex-Boyfriend Dumped Me To Be On Reality TV."

It was a goofy but raw story, one more personal than I'd ever had the heart to put in print. But I hadn't spoken to my ex in over five years, I rationalized. And anyway, the jabs I would take at him in the piece were what he deserved for being so dickish to me years ago. And to be even more honest about my motives, I could almost taste the Twitter buzz and the flurry of Facebook likes that would no doubt ensue. Visions of "Wow, so awesome you're on The Hairpin. " emails floated like sirens before my eyes. Finally spurning my hesitations, I untied myself from the mast.

I wrote up my story on spec, hunched over my cheap Ikea desk and with a glass of wine one Saturday night, and emailed it. The Hairpin took it right away. Before long, it was live on the site .

I sat and stared at my published confessional that day, under the hot fluorescent lights of my midtown Manhattan office building. It had gone up at the prime bored-at-work hour of 2 p.m. on a Thursday. My byline glittered quietly on the screen.

For the next few hours, I pretended to myself that I wasn't watching for the little "(1)" notifications that popped up on my social media tabs, indicating a new reaction to my piece. I pretended I wasn't simultaneously refreshing the article every 30 seconds to read every ego-massaging comment. I'm not going to lie: The praise and the sympathy for poor, heartbroken me felt good. It felt really, really good.

Soon, though, I started to feel nauseated. I'd been careful not to mention his name or any identifying details in the piece, but savvy readers were already deducing who he was. And if he ever googled me, he'd see that smug headline nestled in my search results — and he'd undoubtedly click. It was really only a matter of time before the story got back to him, something I'd obviously acknowledged to myself but that only now hit me like a stepped-on rake.

Later that night, I panicked. I cried. I called friends. Maybe I overreacted. And eventually, I got over it. I was within my right to write that piece, I told myself, which is something I believe to this day. And in the grand scope of things, maybe he wouldn't have even cared that I'd written about him.

But still, two and a half years later, the aporia of violating someone else's privacy to get ahead still subtly haunts me. Occasionally when I'm trying to get to sleep in my slightly larger Park Slope apartment, the thought of him reading my article tosses fresh in my mind. To see him squinting at the screen. Reading my raw thoughts about him. Feeling the heat of my almost palpable bitterness.

In Sartre's Nausea. Roquentin is so horrified by his own existence that he lets inanimate objects and their perceived meaning propel him into near insanity. My dyspepsia over writing that blog post, of course, was a crisis of action, one that I had caused, not one of being. But on another level, Roquentin's fear was the same as my own. I was haunted by something static that gave off more meaning every time I thought about it. This piece of writing, typed out and whisked off by my own hands, would lurk in pixels forever. I didn't get my ex's permission. I didn't contact him to hear his side of the story, which was undoubtedly different than mine. Should I have done that? Could I have? Had I used him as navel-gazing capital? There it sat, like the leaves of Sartre's chestnut tree. Having it on my résumé, which was all I'd ever wanted, made me feel significantly cheap.

This brings me to my larger question, something I still wrestle with now: the ethical boundaries inherent in writing about one's life experiences. Memoir has a long and rich history, of course, but putting one on the internet means it will be both instantly and permanently cataloged, and almost stupidly easily accessed. Unlike the days when you could intentionally leave a regretful published poem off your portfolio, the magic of Google means your writing — in many cases, not editable! — will be forever attached to your name and thus searchable by future dates, prospective employers, and any person you dare to write about.

In the digital era, how do the rules change when others, either loved ones or enemies, are involved in an author's personal writing? If I date someone and he writes a blog post or a Tumblr rambling or, hell, a subtweet about me, maybe that's a risk I assumed in dating. But for myself, I'm still uncomfortable deciding to what extent shared experiences are a commodity.

Now I work for BuzzFeed for a living, where I mostly write lists about a variety of goofy topics. I'm no longer trying to drum up freelance essays to lob around to editors like desperate softballs, and I don't feel pressure to strip-mine my life for sexy click-bait stories. Did that ex-boyfriend post catapult my career? Not single-handedly, no, and I can't quantify whether it was, for lack of a better phrase, "worth it."

I don't think writing about yourself is always something you'll rue in the sharpness of hindsight. Many people rightly find solace and community in both reading and writing personal reflections. But when I see other young writers spill secrets online, I hope they're not pimping out others or themselves in personal stories they'll regret telling. Because someday, we could all be that ex-boyfriend, anti-memorialized in characters on a screen.

As someone like Sartre might say, freedom is the most important thing about being human, and also the most terrifying. Writing anything on the internet — whether it's a "Modern Love" column or a Tumblr post — is one area where we all exercise that freedom, writ large on a blank page onto which we can drag people with or without their permission. I've been in media full-time for only three years, but I've learned my lessons quickly, mostly by making mistakes; some of them about how to exercise this strange power of freedom to write whatever I want.

The Hairpin piece is still up, and I never had the nerve to apologize to my ex. He never contacted me or indicated otherwise that he'd read it, either. I sometimes wonder, way deep down, if all that worry can be attributed to my projecting of my own guilt.

I suppose I'm still writing about myself; I'm writing this right now and reviving an article that I'd much rather leave buried in the past. But I bring it up now because I've learned from it, and I've decided that while I'm free to paint myself as an idiot online, I'm not going to bring other people into my words either against their will or agnostic of it.

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Reactions to Matter essay - Editor: Myself

Reactions to Matter essay

The response to this rather long essay was quite surprising to me, I have to say. And this shows many people are ready for new ideas and platforms in order to change the status quo.

But personally, I think the central thing here is the hyperlink. If there is going to be any attempt to save the open web, it has to involve the hyperlink.

Here is one idea: The hyperlink should not be seen and dealt with as a thing. Rather it must be treated as a relation. as it was the case pre-Facebook era. I don’t know exactly how to revitalize the hyperlink technically. But in my view, it is the heart of the problem.

Many have pointed out the irony of criticizing the social networks, while publishing on Medium. While I don’t think Medium is as bad as Facebook for the open web (mainly because of its treatment of hyperlinks), I originally pitched it to a few print magazines with an active website. But eventually, it was Matter that stood by the pitch and showed more interest. And I’m very thankful to Boobie Johnson and the rest of Matter team for that.

Some have also asked why I didn’t post it on my own blog: First, I haven’t restarted my English blog yet, and second, I wouldn’t be paid to write in my own blog.

One more thing to add: I had originally written a few paragraphs explaining the theory of hypertext and how this relates to the Web. I had quoted from George Landow’s brilliant book, Hypertext 3.0 (2006) . quite a lot and had tried to historicize the concept of hyperlink. But the editor decided it would make the essay too pretentious and I agreed.

Lastly I have to thank all of you who took time to read this essay and share it and comment on it.

4 thoughts on “Reactions to Matter essay”

It’s not about the hyperlink, it’s about walled gardens not wanting you to leave.

I don’t have a Facebook account but I know they used to pop up a warning message “you are about to leave Facebook [be careful it can be dangerous out there]” when clicking on an external link. I don’t think they do that anymore, but the walled eco-system has many ways to keep you within its walls, and non-members out.

You could try to think of FB as a tool to get more people to visit your blog and read your articles. You don’t need to post exclusive content to FB.

More people are using the internet today, and this includes the great unwashed masses. They aren’t as educated. They will click on ‘click here’ links all day. FB will say “that’s dangerous so we want to protect out users”. Read between the lines for the real explanation “it’s not good for business”.

If you have open graph tags in your blog pages (looks like you do), then FB picks this up and gets the image and description and other data. At least that’s something. Links then become a currency within FB, objects with an image and description that appear in walls and pages.

But in the end, you can use the web however you please. Nobody is forcing you to use Facebook, or any of the hundreds of social media services you can use to spread the word about your blog. If you’re smart, then use Facebook to get more eyeballs on your blog articles.

I don’t use FB because I don’t believe in locking down personal content without any option for users to share openly on the web. I couldn’t for example offer an RSS feed of a FB page that I create. FB doesn’t allow that, and controls the sharing, which is not cool in my opinion.

We’re still going through an “eco-system lock-in” frenzy as everyone from social media giants to smart TV manufactures think of ways to keep users from straying. That conflicts with any technology that promotes open sharing. Hyperlinks within these eco-systems are just one piece of collatoral damage. Privacy control is another piece.

The amount of reactions that you are seeing, show that you are not alone on your line of thought. I love the free web. Been here since 1999 and don’t want to see it die.

Your article is amazing! Keep them coming! I will be here to read!

I used to have a blog with 5 to 10k monthly readers a few years ago. I understand your view about the lost web, and hits the nail on the head on many aspects.

It is progress though. I am sure many criticized “blogs” and wondering why these gifted writers write 800-words articles instead of working on a book.

Myself, I have taken the medium path and plan to write more long-form articles about my city (Montreal, Canada) and also what I am working on. I believe in the sea of streams and likes, well-thought texts will stand out. I then re-distribute it on twitter, Instagram and Facebook in the best format. On Instagram, a nice picture with a meaningful text. On twitter with mentions to other users. And on Facebook with a more personal and entertaining message.

I have no idea if it will work. I have learnt technology is progressing quickly. Maybe the new Apple watches will even make the web more fickle, more real-time. But I’ll keep on doing it!

Thanks for keeping this conversation going, I’m not sure I know how to describe that relational aspect of the hyperlink either, but I feel it as well.

I’ve always thought that hyperlinks on the open web sort of force you / allow you to be a publisher in the conversation, however small your ‘voice’ is. When you add a hyperlink in a blog or article or whatever, you need two things: a reason for posting it, and a description of what it is.

Boom. Context, summary.

But the social web just does that for you. Paste a link on Facebook, and it auto-populates a summary. And the context is sort of just existential: yeah, you can add a few lines yourself, but the ‘context’ is basically an announcement that “I consumed this!” or “You should consume this!”

Okay, that’s WILDLY over-simplified.

And to be honest, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I think social works best when it’s facilitates a conversation you might have at a coffee shop (“hey, did you read that article about a href whatever?”). The conversation that precedes or bridges the sitting down and formalizing your thoughts moments. But that sort of assumes people do (or legally can do) the sitting down and formalizing.

Just some thoughts.

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Ok! We are in Poland for the Off Festival! Pre-Day Recap and something about myself

Ok! We are in Poland for the Off Festival! Pre-Day Recap and something about myself

Darek in Poland 2015

Being invited to cover a prestigious Music Festival is always an honor, and when that music festival is in the country of your birth, a country you have not seen since 1990, it is a rare treat indeed. I’ve helmed the World Music Specialty show at KEXP since 1993. In many ways I feel like I’m just beginning. Over the last decade there has been an explosion of music from all over the world. This has been spurred by the growth of the internet, the ability to produce music cheaply on devices, and most importantly, the global adoption of mobile technology.

Artists are now able to be heard and often seen by millions, where in the past their work would be limited by the need to work in a major metropolis or to be filtered by a “Producer” whose blessing would grant success or failure. Another reason for this musical expansion is the proliferation of music festivals both in the US and especially Worldwide. The OFF Festival in Katowice, Southern Poland has earned a reputation as one of the best.

So when the opportunity to attend was offered by my friend and KEXP Music Director Kevin Cole, I was intrigued, excited, and apprehensive. I’ve been back to Europe many times, but returning to Poland was always a bigger deal and required more preparation. My last trip was in ‘90, right after the revolution, when I was a young man trying to find himself in the broader world and hoping for context.Though I found that context in more than one country, Poland did play a huge role in who I am. I spoke only Polish until I was 10 and culturally I was a very awkward immigrant in the unforgiving streets of Boston.

Darek in Poland 1990

Since leaving Poland as a child, my connection to my birth-land has been more existential than tactile. Now, thanks to KEXP, the OFF Festival offers a way to explore my personal connection in the context of one of the deepest parts of my identity: DJ, writer, interviewer, part of a crew that brings music and art to the world.

I’ll be excited to present to you some of the best bands of my homeland, as well as African (Mali) artists like Songhoy Blues, and most importantly, to share as much as I can the human condition that comes from emigrating and renewing. Throughout this week of posts, we’ll have in-studios and interviews with Polish bands including Coals. The Stubs. Hańba!. Sutari. Enchanted Hunters. Kristin. Małe Miasta. plus a handful of others in historic locations around Katowice.

KEXP is at the OFF Festival because the curators do a phenomenal job putting together a killer lineup. The locations will range from a classic Jazz club in an ancient city square to a porcelain factory, and of course, an out-of-use coal mine. This will be an important event for KEXP, and I’m glad to include my story and personal impressions here.

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SELENA GOMEZ - Hands To Myself lyrics

SELENA GOMEZ - Hands To Myself lyrics

The sexy "Hands To Myself"is track no. 3 from the album “Revival”. "Hands to Myself" is a song about giving yourself pleasure. Produced by Max Martin.

From the album Revival .

Hands To Myself lyrics

Can't keep my hands to myself
No matter how hard I'm trying to
I want you all to myself
You're metaphorical gin and juice
So come on, give me a taste
Of what it's like to be next to you
Won't let one drop go to waste
You're metaphorical gin and juice

All of the doubts and the outbursts keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying
All of the doubts and the outbursts keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, but I

Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself

My doctor say you're no good
But people say what they wanna say
And you should know if I could
I'd breathe you in every single day

All of the doubts and the outbursts keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying
All of the doubts and the outbursts keep making love to each other
And I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, but I

Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
I want it all, no, nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself
Give me your all and nothing else

Oh, I, I want it all
I want it all, I want it all
Can't keep my hands to myself
I mean I could, but why would I want to?

My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
My hands to myself
Can't keep my hands to myself
I want it all, no, nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself
Give me your all and nothing else
Can't keep my hands to myself

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Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

Hands To Myself lyrics licensed through LyricFind .

About myself MP3 скачать бесплатно, музыка about myself - 192 песен

about myself Maya Payne
from the east coast to the west we ain't the worst, we ain't the best drink all night, i'm such a mess there's something missing in my chest! show me the hill, show me the view i swear i'm coming back for you! i lost my mind, i lost my shoe i found myself when i found. be my savior, be my woman go from la back to brooklyn take my body 'til the morning now i'm leaving without warning she said let's stay up all night long everything right and nothing's wrong that girl don't wanna see the dawn she came so quick, and now she's gone! what's coming next, i just don't know i'll be your fort, i'm coming home now i'm alone, i can't relax i won't forget about the. what's your name, and what's your story? hayley's heavy i'm still horny, she's so fine i'm so boring, i still want you in the morning in the morning in the morning i'm leaving, i'm leaving without warning be my savior be my woman go from l
When I Think About You I Touch Myself